Broken and Fix
by N.A9e
Summary: Can you fix a broken glass and tell no soul that it was broken in the first place? Can you run away from your past forever? This is a story of Lovino who want nothing more than to have a place to rest and to be fix. This is his adventure to accept the fact that sometimes, there are things that will never go back to how they used to be. warnings inside.
1. chapter 1

A/N : guys, I just want to say don't expect much from me. I've got a lot of ideas but since my grammar was not good enough, I wasn't motivated much to post a multi-chapter fic. However, I'm going to try my best to get this fic done.

Warning : Lovino's language, suicide attempt, broken family issue…( I don't really know where this fic going, but if there will be more warning then I would add some more)

-xxXxx-

Lovino's P.O.V

The morning breeze was chilling. I wonder if I wear the clothes thick enough, I wasn't use to be this early. The train station is almost empty save for a few people, and the sky is still dark. I pull my beg close to my side again and let a soft sigh as I stared at my feet again.

'come with us. We will take care of you.'

"I see you pick up a new habit, Vargas" a familiar voice startled me.

I look up to find my uncle stare at me with a unreadable expression, that maybe because of his white mask he always wear no matter where he go. I give a small grunt as a reply. He gave me a small smile and sit beside me. He draped his hand behind the chair and stare at the dark sky, lost in his thought before start a new attempt of chit chat again.

"I'm sorry, kid"

In all of thing I could imagine, I didn't expect for him to apologize. Why would he? He done nothing wrong. I didn't lift my gaze from the floor. I don't even know how to react.

"I…I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't mean to let you down, kid."

Fuck…I'm not good at this. It's getting awkward, say something! C'm on! Say something!

A large hand grab mine, forcing whatever my hand do to stop. He give me a sad look. Why? I look down and find my wrist red from my unconscious scratching.

"you always scratch your hand when you nervous." He say in a quiet tone.

"make sure to get rid of that habit, kid. Now that you're moving away, I can't help you that much anymore."

I turn my head away from him.

I'm not ready to talk. I don't want to talk.

"I would do whatever I can to help here and from here. So, don't worry about the apartment or anything else. Just focus on your study and the treatment, make some friends as well."

I can hear his teasing tone in it when he talk about me making friends. Its not I'm bad at making friends, I just prefer being alone. Oh shut up you.

" _Kaplan_ "

I lift my head at the nickname he gave me. He smile at me, its not his teasing smile nor the devil smile. It's the smile he always gave me when he want me to cheer up, it's the smile he gave me when I'm not crying at the funeral. His comforting smile that always promise me it will all be fine.

"live well"

I chocked back a sob.

-xxXxx-

I wonder if this is correct, Kaplan means Tiger in Turkish.

A/N: yes, that is Turkey as Romano's uncle. I read the wiki and the trivia saying that Romano have a Arabic blood in him. I thought it will suit Turkey better to be his uncle rather than other middle east personification. It easier for me to wrote a character that we all know. I will also write about Romano having an older brother, can you guess who? And don't worry about Seborga. He will be in this fic.


	2. chapter 2

A/N: this chapter is kinda rushed because I need to get this one update as frequently as I can. Warnings can be found in the first chapter, Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I did not own hetalia

-xxXxx-

 _It's my will with all my might_

 _To stay strong, put up a fight_

 _I'm so lost but not afraid_

 _I've been broken_

 _I'll rise again_

 _(On My Own, yutaka yamada)_

-xxXxx-

 _"I'm not giving him to you!"_

 _I woke up realizing that I'm in hospital and that's my older brother voice out there._

 _"Calm down, kid. Listen to his reasons. He got a point there-"_

 _My head is so fucking hurts, what happened?_

 _"I'm sorry but I need you to step aside Uncle Sadik, no matter what his intention are, I'm not giving Lovino to him."_

 _I wonder if they know that I'm listening to their every words. They were loud as hungry monkey could be. Don't they realize that hospital do not tolerate to loud noise? I wonder how loud it will be if I was standing there? Were they arguing?_

 _If only I was not stuck on this bed, I would go out and shut them up myself._

 _"So, you're saying that you don't mind if these kind of things happened again? You know how close we are to lose him today, I'm not gonna let that kid out of my sight anymore" that's new voice, it laced with Italian accent. Just like me and mamma._

 _"think about it, I can afford all his medical expense, provide him with whatever he need, and all the Vargas household will be there to monitor him. He needs me." The voice continued to argue._

 _"he needs you? Don't make me laugh old man, your son left us!!"_

 _Wow. I never know fratello could shout like that._

 _"he left me, mamma and Lovino years ago just to married to another woman! Where were you when my mamma had to works herself day and night to raised me and Lovino? Where were you when I had to lie to Lovino that your son was somewhere else and not abandoning him? Do you ever understand what kind of hell that we've been going through?" the voice cracks._

 _Fratello needs me…I can hear in his voice…he is going to break,_

 _Its sounds like those night when he crying by himself when mamma was not at home, when he thought that nobody was listening._

 _"Do you ever understand of what your son do to me? I had to pick myself up when I tripped and fall, I had to hold all the tears to myself so mamma would not have to worry about me grow up fatherless, I had to learned how to be independent so mamma would worry less about me"_

 _I need to get up from this bed, my fratello should never cry. He needs some one to wipe his tears. I had to be the one…I was the only one…_

 _Come' on Lovino move, just pull this strange tubes out from your hands and get out there._

 _'Shhh, Lovi.'_

 _Mamma?_

 _I turned to my left only to find my mamma smiling at me. She caressing my hair softly, her right hand cupped my cheeks lovingly. She turned her head towards the door and look at it solemnly._

 _'I was not a good mother aren't I?' she lowered her gaze._

 _Mamma?_

 _'if only I knew, surely I would done my best to prevent that happened...'_

 _She is here?_

 _I can hear soft gasp from the outside. I look at the white door, wondering is anything going to happened._

 _"what are you doing?! Get up, Mr.Vargas!" a desperate voice belong to my uncle rang._

 _"I'm sorry, for whatever my sons done. My sons is irresponsible and it is my job to fix whatever he ever done. Let me take care of Lovino and you. I will give him whatever my son not able to give you back then. Let me…let the Vargas be your family. Come with us. We will take care of you." I can sense the sincerity in his words._

 _For a moment, I hear no voice._

 _"I…I will never be part of your family…go away"_

 _No, its feel so wrong…my fratello never sound that sad. He never sound so lost._

 _He needs help._

 _I..._ _I need help._

 _'Lovi?'_

 _No mamma, stop. Don't call me Lovi anymore, please._

 _Despite my body feels so heavy, I forced it to move. I need to get out there._

 _No more crying_

 _No more running_

 _No more_

 _Stop it_

 _If I want to help fratello, I need to get help for myself_

 _I throw myself off the bed._

 _'Lovi?!'_

 _Please, stop. If this continue, fratello will cry again_

 _I need to go there to his side, my fratello needs me._

 _My hands began to crawl, even though my feet refused to move._

 _'What's wrong bambino?! Tell mamma!'_

 _Everything mamma, all of it. If I stay like this, nothing will change. There will always be some one who end up hurt, cry and depressed._

 _I crawl to the door and bang it with all my might._

 _I can hear their footstep getting closer to me before the door slide harshly and reveal three panic of familiar face. Heh, they looks so ridiculous._

 _"LOVINO?!"_

 _Help me_...

.

 _Heal me_.

-xxXxx-

Correct me if I'm wrong:-

Fratello-brother

Bambino-son

A/N: Romano's older brother is so ooc in this chapter, but I need to get the message out to you readers so…can you guess who is he? I thought of using the term of 'older brother' in the personification who is going to be Romano's brother language at first, but then I thought that would be dead give-away of the identity, so…meh. Not now.


	3. chapter 3

A/N :this chapter is hard one. I had a hard time to determined their school system and their age. I mean, I wish to put most of Hetalia's character in my fic and imagine how shocked I was when I found out that most of Hetalia's character age was not as I think it is. So, in this fic you will found a few characters' age are not in correct order. My grammar is so bad, I will re-update this chapter later for the grammar correction.

Disclaimer: I do not own hetalia.

-xxXxx-

But did you see the flares in the sky?

Were you blinded by the light?

Did you feel the smoke in your eyes?

Did you, did you?

Did you see the sparks filled with hope?

You're not alone

'cause someone's out there, sending out flares

Someone's out there, sending out flares

(Flares, The Script)

-xxXxx-

Lovino P.O.V

"I'm sorry about what happened to your mother, Lovino"

I keep my lips shut as he mentioned my mother. I don't really know how to react to that, so I lowered my gaze slightly and stared at the tea, filling my head with nonsense that would distract me from any thought about mamma. So, I decided to observe the teacup instead. The ceramic tea cup set must cost golds, I wonder what does this man do to have such a beautiful set of tea cup and enormous house? Is it a house? Looks like a mansion to me.

Yup, seems working.

"and please forgive me for not be able to contact you earlier. I was unaware of what happened to you, your brother nor your mother. Your mother and I have not keep in touch for a few years, she insist that she was able to keep everything under control and keeps rejecting any kind of help I offered."

The man that sit in front of me give me a sad smile as he look at his own tea. His eyes look dazed, as if he lost in his own memories.

"I don't mind Mr.Vargas. You have no obligation to help us anyway. As far as I know, my mother had already divorced with your son when I'm still a young." I keep my voice low, behaving myself even though it was so out of my character.

He winced at my words. Have I speak of something I shouldn't? Oops…

"I wish he was more matured at that moment. Please forgive my son, Lovino. He must have caused you and your mother a lot of troubles." He looked at me with guilty evidence in his eyes.

I avert my eyes from him. Frankly, I never want to talk about this, but this is not an option. Doctor did say it will help my condition much better if I let it all out. It's not easy…nothing is easy. Nothing will change if I did not allowed them, and nothing will ever be the same anymore, I know. If only I can accept that fact sooner, it will not be this complicated.

Then, I might not have to overd –

No no no no no no no no no no, don't go there. Stop thinking, stop thinking, do something, start a topic, get rid of this thought, doctor said it might turn into something more if I let this kind of thought roaming, no no no no no no no no no

"Mr.Vargas, I-"

"please, call me nonno. I am your biological grandfather after all. I mean, you do get your looks from me, and thank you, you agreed to take the Vargas name." he winked at me.

I always had a hard time to believe mamma story of grandpa Romulus who always flirt on women he met back in our neighborhood. I'm sorry mamma, I should never doubt the story.

"um, you're welcome." Vargas… I've already agreed to take the Vargas name. Right, I am a Vargas now.

"Er… nonno…about my medical treatment…"

He smile at me before ruffling my hair.

"don't worry, I've got you the best doctor to help you. You will also have a therapy sessions every weekend, so don't worry about it too much. Your fratello might not live here with us, but he did promised to always check on you every chance he got as his life as a college student allowed him. We will help you to get better, Lovi."

I chocked on my tea as I heard the word 'Lovi'. Its been awhile since I heard people call me that.

"Lo-Lo-LOVI???" I spluttered, my hands shaking as I try to put the teacup down. He laugh as he see my reaction.

"aawwww, you're so cute."

"I'm not cute! I'm a man, I should not be cute!" I try to convince him with my glare, I guess it doesn't work because he snicker at whatever mean reaction I try to give.

"try to convinced me again when you're face is not red anymore"

Dammit! I'm blushing, that's why!

I groan as my hands cupped my cheeks, trying my best to cover any kind of teasing that may become popular and house topic in the next three months.

"oh, before I forgot. Your stepbrothers will come home in an hours." He dropped the bomb.

I'm feeling quite uncomfortable now.

For all these years I grow up fatherless, that bastard actually become a father to another child and a husband to another women. I did not know how to act around them. I'm afraid it will be awkward between me and my stepbrothers.

Now, not only I have to live with my stepbrothers who I never meet, but they had to deal with my shit as well. I can imagine how miserable they feel when they have to live with me.

I'm such a mess aren't I?

"did they know?" it come up as a whisper.

I feel a large hand on my shoulder and realize that was grand-… nonno's hands. He smile reassuringly at me as he saw how uncomfortable I react.

"they do… they had already know who you are…your medical condition, your past and your behavior. They agree to help you, Lovi, and I think Feli was so eager to meet you as well" he smile cheekily at me.

"so stop being so polite and let me hear some of your infamous curse" he chuckled. I should have know.

"damn it, nonno! I don't cursed much like I used to!" I'm pretty sure the first word would cancel my statement that come after that.

-xxXxx-

Nonno show me my room after we finished our drinks. Fortunately, I don't have to share my new room with my stepbrothers. I want my space, my privacy. I was not ready to open up with some one new who I supposed to call family. I mean if you're with your friends, you will know where does the limit lies, but with your siblings the limit may not be drawn just before the doorstep. As I said, I'm not ready…yet.

Nonno say that my stepbrother Feliciano, look a lot like me. He believed that people might get confused us for being a twin despite Feliciano is a year younger than me. However, Marcello the youngest in our siblings(15), look like both of me and Feliciano. I let out a soft sigh.

All of us inherit the Vargas look, huh?

As I put away my garments away, I heard the sounds of the front door bang against the wall. I guess that my stepbrothers are home…

I can hear muffled voice come behind the door. Considering that my room located on second floor and the distance of my room from front door, whoever it is, he is loud as hell.

Then, I heard the sounds of footsteps come to my room.

I panicked.

What should I do? What should I say? What if he hate me? what if he decided that having me as his older stepbrother is not a great idea after all? should I unpacked?

Fuck! Calm the fuck down! This is not the time to be panic! Nonno did say they was eager to meet me, well nonno actually said Feli, so I didn't know about Marcello, tho… I need to stop thinking before I did anything stupid…

"fuck!" I was almost got a heart attack when someone barged into my room.

I look at the intruder( It sounds wrong, I know. Mainly because this is not my house and yet I called whoever that is, who lives in this house since they had been born an intruder) and found a dopplerganger of mine staring back at me with his jaws drop slightly.

Wow, when nonno say my brother would look like me, I didn't know it would be like ctrl x, ctrl v. We looks like a twin, except our hair, eyes, and skin color. Well, his face shape seems softer, his bangs part at the middle, and his curl (wow, it seems like all Vargas have that strange curl) drop on the left side of his head. He has a beautiful shiny pair of amber eyes and auburn hair…

And he a few inches taller than me…damn…

"you're here! You're here! Marcello!! Lovi is here!!!" he squeak (?) in a high note girly voice. I failed to notice that he call me Lovi until he hug me and knocked both of us down on the bed(thank god).

"Feli, you're scaring the poor boy" I heard nonno voice come from the bedroom door. When I lift my head up, I saw another boy who looks like me…but not quite like me…

The boy has a skin tone match the boy who tackling me(Feliciano, if I wasn't mistaken) just now, his bangs part on the right side while our curl seems smoothly sticking out from our hair, this boy curl bent and angular. His eyes is brilliant green unlike mine who have a little bit of yellow tinge.

He put his fingers on his chin and look at me and Feliciano back and forth. He then give a satisfied nod and turn to nonno.

"just like you said, he does look like Feli" nonno laugh at the statement.

"well you boys can get to know each other, I'm going for a date tonight" nonno announced.

He what? He doesn't even dress up for a date!

I feel the second panic attack, he can't leave me with my stepbrothers alone! What if I mess things up and they end up hate me?! what if-

"Ve~, have a safe journey nonno" Feliciano wave at nonno with me still trap in his hold. Marcello just wave without saying another word at his grandfather.

As nonno was out of our sight, Marcello closed the door and jump onto the bed and smile mischievously towards me.

Feliciano move to sit beside him and look at me with a goofy smile on his face. Should I worry?

"So…my name is Marcello, and this is mi fratello, Feliciano." Feliciano's 'call me Feli' come softly.

I give a hesitate nod.

"Lovino" they smile at my reply.

Marcello clear his throat before look at me sheepishly while Feliciano look like he want to pounced me again.

"let's start with what do in your past time"

I blinked my eyes a few times and look at them as if they grow another head.

"Really? Your stepsiblings suddenly come and live with you in your house and they have some kind of health problem and the first thing you ask is what did they do in their past time? You need to understand if I think you're planning something on my back."

Oops, maybe that was not a good start.

"that's is a good argument if you asked me." Marcello smirk at me.

"Ve~if we are going to live in this house together for the rest of our life, we might as well get to know each other better,si?" Feliciano beamed at me.

-"besides I always want a big brother"

Marcello smile at me before urged me to answer his question.

I was dumbfounded, their little confession surprised me. They welcome me to their house and let me join their family. This is unexpected… this is a type of surprised I like. It makes me feel that I belong here with them. I always have been afraid to start to love someone else other than my family, whether it was family kind of love nor the lovely-dovey love. For this time, I'll make an exception.

"so, I heard that you can beat a sailor in a cursing contest. Show me, Lovi!"

That sly brat. Feliciano seems interested too.

They're weird, but they're my weird brothers.

-xxXxx-

(normal P.O.V)

Romulus Vargas, a man with unusual charming looks that attract most of ladies that ever pass him is not a man you should be messing with. There are a few rumors said that he used to be involved with the mafia in his younger days, a ruthless Don, a sly fox and a gladiator. This grandfather of four young man is the owner of a famous Italian restaurant in the town. He got a lot more in other big cities, but he choose to stay here, where his only family who still alive, live.

After his wife died, he realized that family is the most amazing things that happened in his life. He love his family and that included his son's ex-wife. It doesn't matter that his son's ex-wife want to cut all of her ties to Vargas' family, he just want her to live somewhere closer to them, so he can help out anything that she allowed him to. It wasn't easy, and he understand if she didn't want to see any of Vargas family after divorcing her husband, but she couldn't denied Romulus desire to spoil her sons rotten, after all her sons is his grandchildren.

She didn't kicked him out of the house every time he come to visit his grandsons. She said that whatever happened between her and her ex-husband, Romulus should not interfere and she didn't blame anyone from the Vargas except her ex-husband.

After she died, Romulus tried to get her chidren custody but Sadik(her collateral cousin), was chosen to get the right by her eldest son. He would bring the case to the court, but she did left a will of whoever got her children custody will be chosen by her eldest son. She want her children to live a comfortable life in some one house that they know they could trust. After the divorce process, Sadik was the one who help them to rebuild their life as he lives in the same town as she did, so it was logical for her eldest son to choose Sadik as their legal guardian. Romulus didn't want to forced her children to do anything including forcing them to live with him, so he did everthing he could to help Sadik in raising the children.

However, after that accident that almost killed Lovino, he knew he just can't let them go. He want to be the one who will take care of his grandchildren, he want all of them under his roof. Sadik is a wise man, he let Lovino go not because of he couldn't afford the medical expenses, but he couldn't provide Lovino something that he know Lovino need the most. A family, not just any family, but a family that will always be there for Lovino. Lovino need someone his age to be with him 24hours.

Sadik couldn't really done that, he is a grown man with a job. He couldn't always be at home with Lovino, how is he going to pay all the medical expense if he was not working? The least that Sadik could do is to keep his cousin house clean and well care.

It's a different story when it come to the Lovino's older brother. Whatever his son did, he totally destroy his eldest grandson life.

As Romulus let his mind wondered into his memories, ignoring everyone in the restaurant, suddenly the seat infront of him is filled by a young man that look at him as if his stare could kill Romulus.

"what do you want?"

Romulus smile at the man. He need to know, this man infront of him is Lovino's older brother. He know Lovino better than Sadik or Romulus himself. After a few suspicion, Romulus come to a conclusion. If his conclusion is correct…he will have a lot of work to be done.

"we need to talk"

-xxXxx-

A/N: you know at the beginning of this chapter, in the a/n I say that there will be another hetalia's character in this fic? Look forward at the next chapter.


	4. chapter 4

A/N : slight GerIta in this chapter. No song reference in this chapter because I'm too sleepy, sorry. Might add later.

Disclaimer : I do not own Hetalia.

-xxXxx-

-Lovino's P.O.V-

"so…fratello, are you up for a soccer game tonight?" Feliciano look over his shoulder at me anxiously, his hands holding his dinner plate filled with scrumptious looking pasta. Turns out, Feliciano is a pasta expert and a pasta maniac.

We spend the whole evening talked about ourselves. Its feels like a girls talk, he talked our favourite foods, singer, hobbies, etc. When they know that I play poker, Marcello challenge me for a strip poker play and he end up losing clothes (except his underwear) in all four rounds before he gave up.

Never challenge Lovino Vargas in poker.

Back to our pervious topic.

 _Soccer game?_

"Marcello and I are going to our friends' place to watch tonight match with everyone, its kind of like a routine for us to watch together" Feliciano beamed at me.

I do not think I can handle crowd just yet, I'm not even a people person to begin with.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Feli. I mean, I'm not ready to meet anyone yet." I lowered my fork.

"Don't worry about crowd fratello, they are going to be your schoolmate soon. Besides, we will be there with you, what kind of brother if we didn't look out for each other?" Marcello winked.

I lowered my head slightly. I always know this day will come soon or later, the day when I need to open up to another people again. I just didn't realized it will be this quick, I won't even start my school until three days later.

If I can open up to my stepbrothers who I considered strangers before I meet them, this crowds is just the same, right?

They are going to be someone in my life too, right?

 _By someone did you mean others?_

"Lovi?" Feliciano voiced snap me out from the reverie. He look at me with concerned.

 _'Vino?'_

"fratello, are you okay?" Marcello put his hand on my shoulder. When did he get here?

"If you're not feeling good, you don't have to go. We will stay here with you."

I bit my lower lips. For a moment I could see my fratello concern look. I don't want anyone else look at me like that ever again. I always make everyone worried too much, this need to stop.

"I'll call Luddy and say that we're not going" Feliciano pulled out his smartphone from his jeans.

 _Luddy? What with this lovely nickname?_

"who is Ludddy?"

Marcello smirk at Feliciano before turn to me.

"Ludwig Beilschmidt, a tall muscular, blond german who managed to captured Feli's heart"

I can feel as if a thunder struck me. I'm not opposing the idea of my stepbrothers sexuality, but to imagine someone else going to marry my baby brother is a little bit…

I always wondered how does brothers complex worked. Now, I think I understand.

"I'm going!" I slam my hands on the table and run to my rooms and change my attire.

I can hear Marcello snicker and Feliciano confused 've~?' from up here.

There is no way in the hell I'm going to lose my stepbrothers to anybody else. Not after I come to love them.

-xxXxx-

Marcello locked the door and join us at the side walk with a grin plastered on his face as if he won a lottery. Yeah… He managed to trick me to come along with them, not that I mind anyway. I'm going to meet that german and tell him to fuck off. No one mess with my brothers.

"So…where are we going actually?" I looked around the neighborhood, its almost deserted save for a few people.

"umm… we're going to a dormitories, Ve~?" Feliciano ponder as he look up as if he was asking the sky for an answer.

"we didn't really know how to name it. The place we were going is actually supposed to be a mini hotel? Or is it a small mansion? Anyways, whatever the original plan is, it didn't work. Its more like a two storey house with a lot of rooms for rent. The place is so comfy. The residents' room, the living room, kitchen, to the residents, it's feel like home but much bigger and with a lot of people." Marcello informed me.

"Ve~ most of its residents are international students who study at your school to-be, Lovi." Feliciano smile at me.

"Your fratello is there too, we met him a few times but we didn't talk much." Marcello look left and right and nod at us telling us to cross the road after he conforming there is no cars coming towards us.

"you know my fratello?" that picked up my interest.

"Ve~ we know him from a picture nonno show us.

"You didn't talk much? Does he act rude towards you guys?" that could be a problem, it's not like I didn't predict it. Fratello did not like father either, I thought he hate the entire Vargas. However I can't let this go on either, I don't want fratello to hate this new family.

Marcello's eyes meet at Feliciano's before shrugging his shoulder at me.

"It's not like your brother hate us or something. He usually asleep when we're there. When he wide awake, he just nod at us like an acknowledgment. He is nice, there are few times where he would even cook for us."

"Ve~ When the first time we met, your fratello said something like we look like you. By the second time we met, I think he already figured out that we were his stepbrothers. But he never show any hostility act. So we can't really tell whether he hate us or not." Feliciano add

That's good.

"well, I think it's good that he is not doing anything bad to you. My brother can be really protective of me and he really hate father. He really hate Vargas" I let a soft sigh.

Feliciano tug my right hand forcing me to look up at him.

"Fratello, you do know that father kicked the bucket two years ago right?" this is a sensitive topic, I can tell that much from his tone.

I know about that.

My brother know.

Uncle Sadik know.

The only person who didn't know is mamma. She never got the chance.

I look down at my feet. I'm speechless. I don't know how to react…

Should I be depressed?

Should I be angry?

I'm used to starved for his attention, even after he left us. Then I grow up realizing that all of this things didn't matter anymore.

I'm lost anyway.

Who need attention when they were lost? All I need is a guide.

"we're here" Marcello announced.

Infront of me is a place of what did they call dormitories. Enormous? Yeah, kinda. The paint looks old. Other than that, it is look fine.

"Why would anyone in the hell name this place Panda dormitory anyways? What kind of name is that?" I ponder loudly.

"Because I adored Panda aru, that's why" a Chinese accent voice came behind me.

"fuck!" I swear that everyone should stop sneaking out behind me. I could die from heart attack in such a young age!

When I turn around I found an Asian man (probably a Chinese, from the accent) not taller than me. He has a pair of sharp amber eyes (it didn't shine like Feliciano's eyes), a proud Asian trait of dark-night sky long hair being tied into ponytail. The middle part of his bang is combed neatly backwards, but the right and left side of his bangs is left hanging, covering his ears and the shape of his fair complexion. If I guess correctly, this man should be around 25 to 26. I can see his is frowning with his eyebrows twitching in anger and frozen smile plastered on his lips…

"s-sorry! I didn't mean to be fucking rude!"

I bow as I realized I just insult the landlord of this dormitory. I can feel the heat at my cheeks.

He let a soft sigh.

"At least you're sorry, aru" He observed me up and down, back and forth from me to my stepbrothers.

"is this the famous Lovino Vargas, aru?" he point his finger to me.

Feliciano eyes lit in jovial and tackle-hug me from behind.

"Ve~ he is! Meet my fratello, sir Wang" I can feel my whole face burning. Does Feliciano is always this touchy? I can hear Marcello snickered at my reaction. And how the fuck is this man know me anyways?

"Feli, get off me" I untangled his hand from my torso.

I hear a chuckled from the Asian man, he put his left hand on his hips as he watch me struggling with Feliciano.

"My name is Wang Yao. As you can see, I'm the landlord of this dormitories, aru. Nice to meet you, aru" he smile at us.

"umm, yes. I'm Lovino Vargas…just move in the town" I try to look away, acting as if I didn't caught red handed in criticize the name of this place.

"well, get in. The others have been waiting. I will announced the Vargas arrival and leave the 'surprised' part to you guys, aru" he winked at us before disappear behind the door.

The moment he was out of our sight, I hold Marcello's shoulders and shake him back and forth.

"what does he mean by 'famous Lovino Vargas'? Does he know anything about me? How much does he know?!" you can't blame me for the panic attack.

Imagine strangers come to you and say 'hey, I know you'. You'll start to think all about the bad things you've done.

"he just overheard the conversation between us and your brother" Marcello untangle himself from my hold.

"Ve~ Marcello is talking the truth fratello. Your brother told us that you're coming to the town when sir Wang was about to go to college and overheard the conversation. He only know you as our stepbrother that come to live with us, that's all!" Feliciano never talk this fast.

A few moments of silence is all we need.

"let's just…get this night over, _si_?"

Feliciano and Marcello beamed at me before dragged me infront of the door. I can hear the occupants booming voices behind the closed door.

"Ve~ are you ready?"

Well, it's now or never. I give them a small nod.

Before Feli's hand managed to touch the door knob, someone from inside had push the door open a jar blocking me from the inside view. I can hear the voices inside cheering Feliciano's name, as they saw him infront of the door.

"little Italian? Where is cute little Marcello?" a french accent voice call from behind the door. I guess the one who opened the door is a French guy.

"Ve~ Francis, Marcello is here. He-"

"ohonhonhon, come here and give big brother Francis a kiss first" he cut Feli's statement midway. I can see a hand pulling Feli to whoever that person is. This is no german accent, I guess this is not ' _Luddy_ '.

Whoever behind the door is, I can sense something bad. This guy asked for a kiss from my baby brother?! I know that a kiss is often used as a greetings in a few country across the world, but this one is surely no greetings. This guy is harassing my brother!

I can see Marcello's hand trying to pull the door open wide, he is trying to stop that pervert from kissing my brother. Marcello's move is not fast enough, I need to do something before this guy got his chance.

My brother and I used to learn how to fight and had countless sparring session with Uncle Sadik. Uncle Sadik said, as a man, we must know how to fight to at least protect ourselves and people we love. He always make sure we trained hard so when it comes to fist fight we won't lose. He didn't call me ' _kaplan_ ' for nothing.

In the next few moments I can feel my knuckles meet with someone else jaw(hopefully that French guy). I send the guy sprawling on the floor and earn a few gasp from the spectators inside. I pulled Feliciano behind me revealing all three Vargas that have been on the other side of the door for too long.

The French guy have a wavy blond hair that reach his shoulder, faint stubble. His indigo eyes widen.

"Get the fuck away from my fratellino, you wine bastard!" I stare at the man.

"pfttt- hahahahaha!!" Marcello didn't hold his laughter, he falls on his knee and hold his stomach with his hand. The youngest Vargas laugh rang through the living room. The panda dormitory residents was too shocked to move or to think. Or, for a few moments I think they are too stunt to move.

"YES! Oh, santa! You didn't have to give me anything this year! This young lad just give me my most desire gift!" an English man cheer.

"OMG! Did someone record that?! I will pay for that video!"

"I never thought the one who will knocked Francis for his poor flirt skill is a man…am I still won the bet?"

Is someone cheering?

Then, I heard the earlier man heavy sigh.

"come in Vargas, and stop laughing Marcello. You'll wake up the entire neighborhood." Sir Wang just shake his head lightly. I think he used to this kind of ruckus.

As I lift my eyes to the other resident, I can feel my face burns with heat again. The man on the floor stand up and look at three of us with bewildered look

"what?" the confusion evident in his voice.

 _Stop looking at me._

"Ve~ everyone meet my brother, Lovino"

-xxXxx-

A/N : I know, no Spain yet. I was planning to make the fateful meeting between our beloved Romano and Spain here. I did wrote it, but then the scene somehow felt so wrong! I dissatisfied with the result and had to delay their meeting for the next chapter. Look forward for the next chapter~


	5. chapter 5

A/N: the original plan for this fic have change. I add a few important plots that will happened in later chapters. I was originally planned to write on how Lovino cope the divorce aftereffect. However, I couldn't resist to add a few more things into his life. So, I want to say sorry if any of later chapter might offend some people because I was not an expert in any medical knowledge. I tried my best and had learn from various source, I will do everything I can to increase the awareness of it to other readers.

In this chapter, Antonio finally make his debut!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

-xxXxx-

Romulus is left to stared at the empty cup in the bustling restaurant. He is left dumbfounded by the young man. The Italian man grit his teeth as his right hand grip his hair hard while his left hands tighten its grip on the table.

 _'you'll see soon enough. The moment it happened in front of your eyes, you better know what to do'_

Oh, son. I wish you're still alive to know what kind of your immature decision had done.

-xxXxx-

Lovino's P.O.V

"the name is Alfred F. Jones! nice to meet you, man!" the bespectacled man grab my hand shaking it up and down.

"my name is Arthur Kirkland, and thank you for punching that frog. It's time someone teach that frog a lesson" the man besides him introduced himself. What with the bushy eyebrows?!

"oh come on, I'm not that bad, unless you like it that way; I'll be so bad until you can't resists me." The French guy winked at me.

 _"Bonjour, je m'appelle Francis."_ He purred.

Is he-?

Is he hitting on me?

After I knock him down quite literally?!

"get the hell back away from me" I snapped.

I heard a loud laugh crack up behind them. I peeked over the tall blonde man shoulder to find an albino man with red pomegranate pair of eyes.

"you should stop, franny. Clearly that boy is too feisty for you" the pale man smirk.

Marcello snickered at the man comments.

"oh, oh! Fratello, let's meet my friends!" Feliciano dragged me to the corner of the room where a tall muscular blond man flustered at the sight of us nearing him. What wrong with this guy?

Hold up, tall and muscular? Is this perhaps…?

THIS IS LUDWIG?!

Oh, hell no I'm going to let that guy anywhere near my brother! How in the world Feliciano is dating him anyway? This guy is too intimidating

"Fratello, fratello! This is Ludwig! He is super nice! He always look out for me and help me with homework, he is-…"

Feliciano's ramble does not reach me as I observed (glare) this Ludwig guy infront of me.

He seems to noticed me too. I certainly does not approved this guy.

"My name is Ludwig Beilschmidt, I'm-"

"get lost potato eater"

It seems some people find our meeting hilarious, they laugh so hard someone might even need to be send to hospital, they are out of their breath.

"I know that I probably shouldn't laugh but Ludwig, you just fail to get the brother approval for Feli's hand" is that a Danish accent?

"West! Don't give up, you're awesome!"

"Ludwig-kun, are you okay?"

The situation become out of control. Someone begin to shout comforting words to the blond, the other people can't stop laughing and small portion of the residents don't even care (they just want to watch the game).

I need fresh air.

-xxXxx-

Antonio's P.O.V

"João, come on! We're late, the game will start any moment now" I rushed forward while dragging him behind me.

"Irmão, you need to calm down. You can only enjoyed your life by taking it slow" he stated.

This man is doing this on purposed! He knows exactly how to tick me off!

"If we missed the kick off, I-"

"I still have a picture if you in-"

"Hermano!" I screeched before let out a soft sigh. My right hand hold my forehead as I looked down, trying to look dejected.

He cackled.

"you need to calm down more, Irmão. I thought you've passed your rebellious phase last year?" he wondered. I don't want to answer that. Is it so hard for him to make my day? I just want to watch the game, it's not like I asked for gold or fame.

"and look, we're here." when I lift my head, I find truth in his words.

Finally!

Before I make a dash to Panda's dormitory, I was held back by a hand on my collar.

"no need to rush, Toni. How about you bought us something to drink from vending machine at the nearby park?"

I turn and growled. If Francis and Gilbert was here, they would laugh their ass off and maybe record the whole thing so they could play it at Halloween's party. Ay, I couldn't have that.

João grinned before handing me the money. At least, he is the one who is paying.

I waste no time to sprint to nearby park and look for a vending machine. The match will start any moment now, and I don't want to miss it.

The park is deserted, its feels like I was the only one left on earth. They probably at home…watching the game… as soon as I get this done, João better save a spot for me. I want the very best seat when I enjoy the match. When I spotted the vending machine, I was so thrilled that I cheered so loud and might even kiss the vending machine if I have not spot Feli on the bench next to it.

Feli seems startled as he heard my booming voice, he was humming to a song. He looks so irritated when he found the voice that jolt him out of whatever he was doing. This is so weird, I never thought that Feli could give such kind of death glare. Now that I looked at him closely, he look different.

This Feli have a pair of gorgeous lime color eyes with bright yellow tinge. This one have beautiful olive tanned skin and dark-brown hair, his bangs is parted on the right side. Oh, his curl is upward! His face shape looks a little bit sharp too. He look so captivating! This could not be Feli.

"what are you smiling at, idiota?"

Oh wow, his voice is much deeper than Feli. This is definitely not Feliciano Vargas I know; this couldn't be Marcello neither.

"you're not Feliciano Vargas aren't you? You're much shorter" I point out.

I think that statement might be a little bit offending, because he immediately throw his fist at me. Of course, I caught it clean. This man is strong.

"who the fuck call other people on their first meeting short, bastard!" He surely can scream. Heh, this guy is cute.

I chuckled at the other statement.

"say's the one who throw their fist at other people on their first meeting." His face turn tomato red as the realization hit him. And wow, he is cute. Like really cute. So cute…you get what I meant.

"I hit you because you insult me, and besides you could be a kidnapper. Its just my self-defense, idiota" he look away from me.

"Haha, sorry. I didn't know height is such a sensitive issues for you. To make you feel better, your high is a little bit taller than women average height so don't fret about it too much." I beamed.

"that didn't help me feel better dammit!" he snarled.

I want to chuckle or smile at the other respond, but I think I might offend him enough. I'm not really good reading the atmosphere, as Francis and Gilbert would said ; too oblivious. I continued to buy João the drinks he asked me. I occasionally look at the guy. He looks so much like sir Vargas, maybe he is one of Vargas? Is this their cousin or something?

I thought Mr. Vargas is the only child? Curiosity get the best of me.

"so…are you new here?"

"…" for a moment, I thought that I have angered the man. He to frown at me before look away. I don't think over-confidence works for me.

"I just move in…" I straighten my back when he answered my question. I look at him and saw him rubbing his forearm. As I wait for more, he give me nothing. So I push my luck for the second time.

"are you with the Vargas?" he look at his feet. His eyes void with emotion. Is that question rude?

"yes…" it seems like that the only answered I will got. After fetching the drinks, I sat beside him and try to make to start a conversation.

"what are you doing out here alone?"

"don't you think you might go too far for a stranger?" he snarled. Man, this man might even bite me if given a chance to.

He is right.

I might have gone too far for someone I didn't know.

And I know how to fix that.

"my name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, 18, have a brother in college, but we both the residents of Panda's dormitory over there. Now we are no strangers, so tell me about yourself"

His stunning eyes widen, he look at me disbelieve. No words come out of his plump lips, but I know what he want to say. Judging by how his eyebrows turn to frown seconds later, I can read his expression as

 _'are you serious?'_ Even though, I think he might add something like _'are you fucking serious?'_

Haha, this kid cursed too much.

He exhale a soft sigh.

"Lovino Vargas, 17, have a brother in college, two stepbrothers, and live with Romulus Vargas resident. Now that you mention it, I was supposed to be back at Panda's dormitory to watch a football match with the others." he pout.

The football match! The realization hit me hard like a truck…but Lovi didn't move.

"Why are you not there?"

"Because I need fresh air, your housemate has been bombarding me with Q and A session bastard. I need some space" he look annoyed.

"I think that's a normal reaction. Don't you feel that too when you meet someone new?"

"I'm not a friendly type. I prefer to stay away from others"

"We are friends, Lovi" I give a soft chuckle at the boy when choked on his spit and blush.

Oh! Oh! Kiku always mention this!

Kiku call it Tsundere. Kirkland look so stupid when Kiku call him that, but Lovi look so cute when he did it. I want to tease him more.

"who give you the right to call me Lovi?!!"

"I do!"

"that's it bastard, I'm going back to the others" he stand up straight and began to walk away.

I laugh as I followed him back to the dormitory. I know I must have miss the kick-off.

Strangely, I don't feel bad about it as I always do.

-xxXxx-

A/N :writer's block got me working up all night and dead exhausted the next day. I don't feel satisfied with whatever I write in this chapter. So, I will update this chapter again later after editing it. For now this will do.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I know, I know. I'm late, I'm sorry. I need to tell you, this chapter had been rewritten so many times. The moments idea struck me, I write this immediately.

Cheng is the name I found on internet for Macau.

Wang Jialong is the official Chinese name for Hong Kong along with Li Xiao Chun while Leon is the English name for Hong Kong. I pick the name Jialong because I love the idea of Hong Kong sharing the surname 'Wang'. It makes them quite a big family.

-xxXxx-

I swear, I'm telling myself

Everything will pass

Everything was good

For me right now

The reason a corner of my heart aches

Is it because of this greed that makes me lonely?

(I swear, SALTNPAPER)

-xxXxx-

Lars was on his way back to the Panda's Dormitory after a long day at his part-time work. He wasn't too eager to be back to his dorm frankly speaking. At least, for tonight he wish to be somewhere else. Somewhere he didn't have to see or deal with all of Panda's resident. Especially on soccer match night where both gender sit in one room…cheering on teams they bet on, throwing popcorn all around the room, sloppy make-out which was supposed to be secret… this night going to be loud as hell.

Panda's dormitory was divided to two separated building, the male's dorm and the female's dorm; the female dorm was across the road from male dorm. For safety reason, Yao didn't trust the male and female occupant to live under one roof (Lars believe that somehow Francis might be the sole reason Yao have trust issues in this isolation). The reason was the main factor Lars choose to be a part of Panda's dormitory residents. His sister was the residents in the female panda's dorm, live in a dorm which only consist female residents (away from any perverted male residents) and still close to him.

Tonight, most of the Panda's residents are going to watch a football match together in the male's dorm. His sister was going to join them with some of the female residents. As a male himself he know so well how cunning can a man be, he didn't want his sister to be one of the victim of any pervert predators. However, he can't stop her sister from enjoying the match. So, whether he like it or not, he has to be there.

When the Dutchman entered the dorm, it was chaos. He can heard someone comforting Ludwig the unfortunate young man who have a certain albino Prussian as his brother, a French frog with a pack of ice on his eyes, an Englishman who have an evil content smirk plastered on his lips, an American who loud as hell(but he always loud, so that's normal) and a group of female residents asking question with no one really give them a real answered.

"Lars, you're late!" Matthias declared with his usual enthusiastic voice.

He considered to slowly turn back and ran away, but then he saw his sister, Emma waving at him. He continued his step to his sister and his brother Theo.

"what happened?" he point his thumb towards the usual obnoxious crowd.

"That is what I've been asking all around either, but no one give us any answered." Emma shrugged her shoulders lightly.

He turn to Theo and got the same replied, as he too, just arrived at the crime scene.

"Roderich, what happened in here?" Elizaveta a Hungary women asked her boyfriend at the dinner table.

"A disapproval by a stepbrother. That's what happened" the Austrian sigh when he observed the over-reacted crowds.

The female residents gave a perplexed look to each other.

"whose stepbrothers, Gēgē?" a Taiwanese girl enquired her brother.

"Mei, I don't think I want you to get involved with these westerners. I had enough with Kiku and Jialong hanging out with these loud people." Yao replied.

"you forgot Cheng~!" a Portuguese man shout, and smirk when Yao glared at him.

"it's the Vargas." Jialong, or he prefer everyone else call him by the name Leon, chimed in over his Emil's shoulder. Leon sat on the right side his boyfriend and lean on Emil shoulder while waiting for the match.

Leon's simple replied strangely picked up Lars, Emma and Theo interest. The three siblings look at each other before turning their heads to Feliciano and Marcello.

"you have another brother?" Emma hesitated to know the answer but ask away.

She think she already know who it was, but she need to hear it from Feliciano himself. She want to know, whether it was really him. Lars and Theo anticipated the answer with their heartbeat keep accelerated as the seconds pass by.

Feliciano give her a quick nod, "his name is-"

The sounds of front door banging caught everyone attention. They turned their head and watch as the hot topic Italian walked in with a frown craved on his face with a grinning Spaniard tailing him, his right hand holding the shorter man's elbow.

"Aww Lovi, you don't really mean that."

"Let me go, bastardo!" the Italian try to pry his hands away from the taller man.

"Aww, Toni. No fair, you manage to captured the cute little Italian" Francis whine while Gilbert snickered at the sight of his Spanish friend attempt to snog the newcomer.

"ve~ Fratello, welcome back! Did you found the vending machine?" Feliciano ponder.

Lovino turned to his brother avoiding the Spaniard playful gaze.

"Feli, Marcello, I'm going back. I had enough for tonight." Frankly, he didn't want to leave his brother with these guys, especially with that potato bastard. But he knew Marcello would take care of that if any problem ensue.

 _He did not belong here._ _This is not home._ _They are not his friends._ _His brothers belong to this crowd._ _They are fine without him._ _It was him who didn't fit in the circle_.

The crowd make him unease, he could feel their judging eyes on him. The noise assault his conscience, forcing him to bare his weakness on his sleeve. Lovino realized that it probably was a paranoia thought that consumed his sanity however, he knew this is something that he can't exposed to others. They would say things to him, judging him and maybe even hurt him physically and emotionally ;the sole reason why he avoid people.

On the other side of the room, Emma was gaping at the sight of Lovino. She hold her breath as he talk to other residents, completely oblivious to her longing stare. Theo was no better, he balled up his fist as his eyes goes wide. He bit his lips and slowly retreating without any sound to his room at the back. Lars saw how his brother and sister react to the new Italian boy in town. He himself was not quite surprised with the boy appearance, he did suspect; Feliciano must had some kind of blood relation with Lovino. The similarities between the two boys is too obvious, although he have to admit that he was taken back by Lovino appearance in Panda's dormitory.

"eh? Are you sure, fratello?" Marcello sat up. "Do you even remember the way back?" he add.

"Its fine, I will send him back." Lars voice rang through the room. Every head turn to him as he walked closer to the stun Italian.

Lovino eyes went wide as he recognized the voice before he turn his head to the owner. His body went still as Lars walked closer to him. His breath hitched.

"L-Laurence."

-xxXxx-

All eyes on the door, silence filled the air and football match long forgotten as they unfold the scene that happened just now.

"what just happened?" Alfred's question gained him a shrug from a tall French man.

"ve~ did Lars knew Lovino before?" Feliciano divert everyone attention to the pale Belgian.

Emma eyes widen when she felt everyones' eyes on her. She take a deep breath silently as she trying to calm her heart beat.

'should I tell them?'

'but its not my place to open my mouth'

'Lovino had enough on his plate'

Her hands began to sweat, she was about to enter a panic attack when she felt a soft hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head and find a concern Ukrainian women looking at her with comforting eyes.

She smiled softly at her friends and turn to Feliciano with perfect masked on.

"I'm not so sure, Feli." She shrugged her shoulders with as she gave him her perfect apologetic smile.

The front door open again before a curious Englishman got his chance to ask another question, revealing a tall muscular brunette man looking at them with his sleepy forest green eyes. The tall man realized they stared at him when no one move or talk. The other residents are too deep in their thought to greet the Grecian and yet their eyes still fall to the innocent man who managed to break the air chocking atmosphere.

"what did I miss?"

-xxXxx-

The walked back home was quite, Lars haven't spoken a word since they left the dormitory. If Lovino complaining the rowdiness back in the Panda's dorm, he was now inaudible complaining about the quite atmosphere that leave both of them hanging.

"you do know I remember my way back." Lovino break the silence without even looking at the man beside him.

"you've come here countless of time, of course you would." The replied was nothing malice, but Lovino was not good with people so he couldn't tell whether Lars really intended to sound like that. It sounds like as if he reminded Lovino that the younger Italian used to sneak house just to come to this neighborhood.

And again the silence fill the atmosphere.

"Did you own a headphone?" Lars pulled his sleeve slightly, observing the ticking watch on his left hand.

"eh?" Lovino turned his head to Lars, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "N-no, I'm using earphones" the short Italian add.

Lars hummed before he pulled Lovino to different pathway.

"That won't do. Those guys won't leave you alone, wearing headphones will be much better choice as a warning that you're not into some talk. We're going to get you one, the bus will take us to the town" Lars turned his glanced over his shoulder to look at Lovino with soft eyes.

"I admit that I don't like how you always keep things to yourself when we can talk, brat. However, I understand that you need your space and privacy, I respect whatever your decision is because I know…just like what you did to me back in those years, you will talk when you're ready." The Dutchman pat his head carefully avoid the strange curl that got him nice punch in his guts onced and continued to walk ahead.

The younger man eyes lit up when he felt the warm hand on his head. Lovino let a small smile on his lips, his feet fall into the rhyme of Lars footstep.

Lars can be soft at unexpected time.

-xxXxx-

Marcello was on his way to the living rooms where others have began to make some noise after another goal have been forced out of the home team's player. He was drying his hands when he felt a pale hand grab his shoulder softly. Marcello jumped a bit, he was taken aback by the gestured and stumble forward almost land his face on the floor.

He put his hand on his chest where his heart located and taking huge breath as he try to calm his heartbeat. He turned around and meet a pair of lilac eyes filled with guilt and soft apologize as the other seems to realized the effect of his gestured.

"Al-Alfred?" the other shake his head softly.

"Matthew" the Canadian correct the younger boy. He look at the youngest Vargas in his eyes, Matthew eyes shine in determination.

"we- we need to talk."

-xxXxx-

A/N : sorry for the delay, I was sick and distracted (by Commonwealth 2018 and Shadows Hunters fandom) i will immediately write the next one.


	7. Chapter7

A/N : I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY. I trying so hard to make it the same, but it hard for someone like me to express something I never experienced. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I've did a lot of research, maybe it wasn't good enough if any of you feel dissatisfied on how I describe it.

Chapter warning: auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations, self-harm(mention)

Disclaimer: I don't own hetalia

-xxXxx-

You spend your nights looking at the stars

Thinking your life would be better on Mars

Checking your pulse just to feel it beat

Looking for a stone to keep the peace

So give me all your pain,

And love will set you free,

Give me all your shame,

put all your weight on me

I'll be the stone,

that you need me to be

(Stone, Jaymes Young)

-xxXxx-

 _The ride back to home is filled with silent tears and rumbling noise of the train. No passengers look his way, if anyone noticed his tears, they didn't say anything._

 _Lovino hands feel so numb, his eyes void with any emotion. His wool scarf lose on his neck, he lean on the glass and observed the magnificent view of green valley._ _He stood up slowly as he arrived at his destination and wipe the tears that stained his cheeks. He step out of the train when the door slide open and eventually blend in with other passengers, or he thought he does. Out of nowhere, he felt a hand grab his forearm and forced him to look at the other. Lovino eyes met his brother green eyes and panic looks._

 _His brother is out of breath, the cold sweats is trailing down his cheeks and his heart beating so hard as if it would burst out of his chest. He was on the edge when he found out his brother was not in school and even anxious when he received a call from crying Lovino at the other line._

 _"Vino" he choose his word carefully, "where was you?" he add._

 _Lovino watched him with glossy eyes before a new streams of tears tainted his soft cheeks. Lovino's hands grabbed his brother torso and let out a quite sob on his chest. The older man was tongue-tied when Lovino shed his tears in the taller man arms._

 _He looked up when he heard the footsteps of his uncle and his friend, Lars in his vicinity. Sadik confused look meet his own, Lars sigh of relief when they found Lovino was short-lived when he noticed the younger man dejected expression. They was so lost, wondering what had happened to the younger Italian that managed this devastating reaction from him._

 _Lovino choose not to answer his brother question, he continued to wail in his brother arms earning them the crowd's stare. He is in the point where he could care less about other people judgement. Lovino realized how miserable his state is, considering he is a not a person who wear their heart on his sleeve._ _He didn't want to hear and look at anything, he want to block all of his ties and sense, he just want to escape._

 _'It hurts'_

 _He wish he never take the train ride_

 _He wish he would stay school_

 _He wish he was oblivious_

 _Oh how he wish that day never come,_

 _That day, Lovino realized, sometimes no matter how hard you tried, there are somethings that will never go back to how they used to be._

-xxXxx-

Lovino's eyelids cracked open slowly, he turned his head to his right and watch the bright red alarm number on the night stand. He let out a soft cursed as he turn around and try to get to sleep. After a few toss and turn he give up and make his way to the bathroom and have a nice shower at 5 a.m.

He came back to his house with Nonno already sleep on the couch (he probably had an exhausting day), Lovino used his blanket to cover Nonno (he doesn't know where else to got a blanket, surprisingly he woke up with his blanket on him. Nonno probably return the blanket later at night when he realized the blanket belong to Lovino). He then proceed to his bedroom. His stepbrothers wasn't home until two hours later, he know because he can hear the front door slaming shut. That door going to break someday, he just knew it.

After a quick shower, Lovino was wearing his sweater and jeans when his mind take a dangerous turn.

His decision on going back home alone last night was absurd move. He distant himself from everyone, he show how uncomfortable he is with everyone. He want them to got the message on how difficult he is, how unworthy he is. The Italian was afraid, he believed that people will leave him onced they knew how much a mess he is. His friends from his last school did, nothing will convinced him these guys would not. His mind wasn't helpful last night, he had his own reason when he left for the vending machine.

He was not good with crowd, when things get a little bit out of hands last night, he knew he had to get out from there. Lovino was trying to clear his mind when a certain Spaniard with mesmerising emerald pair of eyes found him. Lovino wasn't going to deny that the man was captivating, Lovino knew beautiful things when he see them. He was so persistent, making his way into Lovino's comfort zone. Usually Lovino would push this kind of people away immediately. He knew danger when he saw one, rose come with thorns after all. Lovino just knew this Spaniard was going to be a trouble for him, that man was going to break his wall by forced. Lovino pray that the man was going to lose interest in him. He couldn't handle another heart break.

 ** _'You are stupid if you believed he will stay'_**

 ** _'Everyone left, remember?'_**

Lovino recognized the voice immediately. His knee buckled and he fell on his butt. He can feel all those eyes on him.

 ** _'Why are you here?'_**

 ** _'Surely you don't believe those kind words'_**

 ** _'You should kill yourself'_**

 ** _'You still breathing?'_**

Lovino shut his eyes, crawled towards the cold wall and crouch while covering his ears, hoping it would block all disgusting demon whispers.

 ** _'You're weak'_**

 ** _'Cut yourself'_**

 ** _'You're ugly'_**

Lovino shut his eyes tightly, clawing his neck as he struggle to breath. He need to push all those voice away. He need to stop running. Those voice is fake.

No.

No more running.

 _'I need to fight this. For everyone sake, I need to fight this'_

 ** _'You are stupid'_**

 ** _'You're disgusting'_**

 ** _'You cannot do anything right'_**

Lovino crossed his hands and grab his shirt on the forearm tight. He pulled his knee close to his chest and lean his forehead on top of his knee while he calm his breath. His face flushed red and tears escape his eyes. Lovino's harsh breath filled echo, his fingers and toes curled in as he trying to counter the voices.

 ** _'You're worthless'_**

 ** _'Kill yourself'_**

 ** _'Cut yourself'_**

'focus, I need to focus on something'

Nonno's comforting hugs when he greet me,

Feliciano's pasta as dinner,

Marcello's teasing smirk,

Sadik's cackled,

The voices became distant, good Lovino. Keep going.

Laurence's warm hand when he pat my head,

Emma's waffle as breakfast whenever we stopped by,

Theo's hilarious Halloween prank,

What else?

Antonio's charming smile,

Wait, what?

Lovino eyes widen as the realization hit him. His face flushed red, he choose to ignore those words and close his eyes again.

Fratello's broad shoulder view from his piggy ride back,

Mamma's soothing voice when she hummed to a song,

 _'Mamma…'_

Then, Lovino heard something. A soft voice humming come from somewhere outside Lovino's room. He lifted his head and open his eyes as he recognized the angelic voice.

"Mamma?" Lovino voice crack.

The voice didn't reply, and sing the song a little bit louder. Lovino walked to the door and peaked outside to search for the voice. The demonic voice was no longer bothering him, Lovino was so focused on finding his mother that he managed to block everything that harassing his mind. He followed the voice to the kitchen.

His eyes widen and his mouth gape when he saw a familiar lady in his late 30's twirling in the kitchen while she hummed to Lovino's favorite lullaby. She still have subtle wrinkles around her eyes, her burgundy curly long hair, and the color of her eyes match his own.

His mother was there, dancing around the kitchen like she always do when she want to cheer him up. Lovino was still a child when his father left them, and his world was harsh on him; his childhood was not rainbow and cotton candy, people look at him with sympathetic eyes that he learned to hate later. When she found him crying, she pulled him for a dance. Lovino saw myriad of emotions in her eyes before she put up her mask and give him assuring smile. Sometimes they dance in the kitchen (because she was cooking), and sometimes they dance in the living room. They sing and dance, try their best to forget their problems. It works, the little Lovino forgot the problem that caused him to shed his tears.

"Mamma?"

The women stop dancing, spun around and meet his eyes. She smile brightly as she usually did.

'You're up early.' She propped her chin on the heels of her palm.

'Oh, help me Lovi. What should I cook for breakfast?' she looked troubled.

'I don't know what Feli and Marcello would like to eat for breakfast.'

It takes Lovino two minutes to comprehend the situation before he make his way to his mother and hugged her tightly. He took a deep breath and recognized the familiar scent of home, tomatoes, apple, and daisy. His mom scent never fail to comfort him.

 _To be given another chance…_

Lovino smile as a tear drop escape his eye. He pulled back and saw perplexed expression on his mother. Lovino let a small chuckled escaped him. His mother wipe the tears that trailing down his cheeks with her thumbs. Lovino saw the concern look his mother gave him before he pulled his mother to the table and pulled the chair asking her to sit on it.

"Sit, Mamma. Today, I'll cook for breakfast." His mother flabbergasted look earned her another chuckled from Lovino.

'But you never been in the kitchen'

"I've learned to cook for a while, uncle Sadik teach me everything he know. I'm good at it, Ma" Lovino began to pulled a few bowl from the cabinet and began to cook.

'My boy is a grown man' she smile at her son.

Lovino say nothing back, but his smile did not fade.

-xxXxx-

I couldn't stand anytime longer. I walked away from the kitchen entranced without making any noise. I wipe my tears from my eyes and make my way to the balcony. Last night, I was left speechless when I found out that Lovino is not in depressed, but something else. Truth to be told, when I was told that Lovino was in depression my world crumbled. I know the reason why Lovino end up at the hospital that night, it was self-harm. I thought that the depression was finally break him to cause him such action. I was so determined to help him, to let him know how much we loved him.

I don't want any of my family left again, not when I know we could change that. Last night, I know something that shattered my heart again. Lovino was not in depression; which was a huge relief before my eldest grandchild looked at me with piercing eyes.

 _"Auditory hallucination." He paused and bit his lips, his eyebrows scrunch up before he continued, "Sometimes Vino even saw our mother, he said he can feel her fingers wiping his tears"_

It feels like escaping the deep blue sea but into the devil's lair. Feliciano and Marcello still didn't know this, how is he going to explain this to them? Did Lovino even know that his stepbrothers presumed that he had depression?

 _"Based on what Lovino have describe to the doctor," he shut his eyes and hold his head with both of his hands, elbow on the table._

 _"Doctor believed…it's a sign for Schizophrenia."_

-xxXxx-

A/N : don't hate me please.

please notice how I used ' and " in different type of dialogue.

By the way Theo is the name I choose for aph Luxembourg. Thank you for everyone who have put this fic on your story alert subscription, favourite stories list and those who post their reviews. It mean a lot for a newbie writer like me.

And for gazal.blirf, who left your review on Lovino's brother identity, nice guess! We shall see his identity in the next chapter.


	8. chapter 8

A/N : sorry for the delay. Enjoy

Disclaimer: I do not own hetalia

-xxXxx-

 _Just close your eyes,_

 _The sun is going down,_

 _You'll be alright,_

 _No one can hurt you now,_

 _Come morning light,_

 _You and I'll be safe and sound_

 _(Safe and sound- Taylor Swift)_

-xxXxx-

Lars expect this would happened today, however to deal it early in the morning was still a pain in the neck. When the Dutchman entered the kitchen for a cup of coffee, he can feel the weight of stares on him. The kitchen is filled with small chattered, Lars bet his money is on what happened last night. It's not like they meet someone as interesting as Lovino every day, plus, with all the drama that happened last night; the Dutchman doubt they'll leave Lovino alone. However, a certain Spaniard interest on Lovino is a massive attention-grabber…

He know Antonio for two years after he came to the town. Antonio was already Panda's residents when Lars move in with his siblings, yet in those two years a lot of things happened. Antonio first image is not as he is now. He would scowl at others who dared to disturb him, bruises scattered across his face and his hands. Its look really disturbing, he looks like the one who would fight you on the street just because you offend him. João was only be able to tame the Antonio's beast last year with most of Panda's residents help.

He didn't know whether it would be a great idea for Lovino and Antonio to mix. Both of them need help and he doubt both of them could provide each other help they need. Lars was lost in his thought until he saw a familiar Grecian man entered the kitchen with his eyes wide awake, unlike the usual him who could fall asleep almost everywhere and anytime.

"Heracles-san?" came a small Japanese voice filled with concern.

When Lars look around he could see amused look on everyone face, probably because it was the first time Heracles entered the room without dragging his blanket or fall asleep while standing. Maybe because Heracles have not crash into any wall while making attempts to the kitchen yet.

"Good morning, Kiku." The tall man patted the shorter man head before heading towards the coffee machine.

Lars did not say anything when the Grecian walked towards his direction (where the coffee machine located) for a cup of coffee, instead he hand an dry empty mug on the dishwasher to the other. This silent gesture was spectated by everyone in the room with no sound filled the atmosphere like earlier.

"You need me to lend you my note later?" Lars inquired without looking away from his coffee. The other occupants look at them with their eyebrows raised, confused and so lost on whatever Lars was talking about. Considering Heracles had his schedule full yesterday and have not meet with his brother yet, Lars just know that man will not be in college today.

"Yeah… thanks." Heracles take a sip of his coffee before pulled his smartphone out of his jean's pocket. He unlock the screensaver and look at his inbox message and let a small sigh of relief before turn his smartphones to Lars.

Lars observed the Grecian message and give the man a small pat on his shoulder.

"Now that your class is canceled for the rest of the day, I assumed you'll come back late?"

Heracles give the blond a small smile, his eyes cast downwards filled with unconditional love as a certain Italian filled his mind. The brunette give Lars a small hum.

"Yeah…I should, it is been awhile…"

Lars smile at the reaction he got from the other man and continued to drink his own coffee. Both of them lost in their own memory, not realizing other residents was taken aback by the unsual soft expression by the Dutchman and Grecian.

-xxXxx-

The situation is a little bit different with the Vargas households. They ate breakfast made by Lovino, the food taste amazing as it looks, thanks to years of practice and learning with his uncle. While his stepbrothers were busy searching for school bags and homeworks, Lovino was going to his pills down into his gut.

Lovino looked at the pills on his hands. His eyes lifeless as he twirling the pills in his palms. Lovino was so frantic when he looked for his pills only to be calm down when Marcello place his medicine bottle in his grip. Lovino looked at his youngest brother with insecure feelings swirling in his stomach. The young Italian say Lovino dropped the bottle last night only to be returned by Alfred's twin; Matthew.

Lovino almost had a panic attack when he thought Marcello would look at him like abomination, a monster, mad, and anything that goes by the name. He wait for the names, the names that people used to call him. Accusing him crazy with his wild imagination, he was waiting for the judgement, he wait for the disgust and fear look he got back in his old school. When he get none of it from Marcello, he looked up only to meet with a concern and confusion look from the younger, he shake his head and put up a façade. By the expression Marcello give him, Lovino could tell that Marcello know nothing about the pills.

Lovino let out a sigh of relief, he swallowed the pills and drink a glass of water.

 _Good, no one should know._

The idea of someone else know about his Schizophrenia scared him to death. He had enough with other people stared at him with alarmed eyes, call him bad names and he certainly do not want the distant they keep after finding out how mess up he is. Lovino is fine with distant that he caused by his words or how he pushed everyone away but not by his Schizophrenia.

 _He did not want to be judge by something he didn't choose to be._

"Fratello." Lovino was pulled out from his thought when Feliciano call him.

"Ve~ We'll be off to school now, Lovi." Feliciano smile at him brightly and kissed his cheek, Lovino cover his right cheek where Feliciano placed his kiss, the older italian cheeks burned bright red and his mouth agape. He clearly wasn't used to this kind of affection from his stepbrother.

Marcello smirk at Lovino when he saw how Lovino react to the kiss. He placed another kiss on Lovino other cheeks and snickered when he saw steam on Lovino cheeks. Nonno who saw the whole kissing scene was laughing out loud and decided to embarrassed Lovino further by a kiss on top of his head.

"S-stop it!" Lovino stammered.

The oldest and youngest Vargas playfully winked at each other and exchanged thumbs up signal while Feliciano give Lovino his content 'Ve~' to lighten up the mood. They laugh was cut off by the door bell, Marcello went to answered it before anyone able to stand up.

"Who could that be?" Nonno wondered. Feliciano shrug his shoulder as a reply while Lovino was trying to cool his cheeks off.

When Marcello walked back in, he fidgeted his fingers and scratching his cheeks nervously.

"umm…Its your brother, Lovi." Lovino's eyes widen before turned his head to Nonno looking for a consent to invited his brother in for a breakfast.

Nonno give him a nod before smiling at him. Marcello walked hurriedly to the door to let his oldest stepbrother in. The other man give him a small 'thanks' and ruffle Marcello hair playfully before followed Marcello into the house. The oldest of Vargas grandchild ignored his grandfather who was leaning on the counter. Romulus sigh as he realized that he have yet gain any approval from his eldest grandchild.

Heracles walked in after Marcello and found his brother with both of his cheeks flushed red and raised his eyebrows to the other Vargas. Marcello give him a sheepish smile as he placed his fingers on his lips before tapped his own cheeks twice, indicating the kiss he gave Lovino just now. Lovino who understand the gestured just fine cover his face with both of his hands and ducked his his head down.

Heracles was astonished by the reaction Lovino gave and his stepbrothers act. He know Lovino was uncomfortable by public affection, Lovino would usually run away after receiving such affection from anyone else except his close family, even Uncle Sadik take quite a time to get Lovino used by his affection. To managed this kind of reaction from Lovino by his stepbrothers mean that Lovino was at least open up to his new family members in a positive way. Heracles smile at Lovino before proceed to where he is and pulled Lovino hands away.

Lovino looked up at his brother and his eyes widen when he felt a warm lips on his forehead. Lovino blurted string of cursed in Italian, English, Turkish and Greece before he bolted to nearest couch and dive in to hide his tomato red blush from others. Lovino can hear others laugh and coo on how cute and precious he is, he could even hear Heracles giggled at his reaction. Lovino unconsciously smile at the situation, to hear Heracles laugh after all they've been through, bring warm feels in his chest.

-xxXxx-

"Are you sure? It will be faster if I drive you to school" Heracles asked his stepbrothers for the tenth time. His eyebrows curved to a frown. His stepbrothers are as stubborn as Lovino.

"Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. Plus, we will feel much better to know Lovi will get everything he need as soon as possible." Marcello replied with a wink at Heracles.

"It's not like we don't walked to school everyday, Ve~" Feliciano beamed at both Lovino and Heracles. Heracles sigh softly at the two younger Italian.

"Well then, be safe." Heracles ruffled both of his stepbrothers hair and watched them walked their way to school. Heracles climb in his truck and watched Lovino did the same. Heracles certainly didn't miss the new metallic green headphones dangling around Lovino neck (which bring up Lovino eyes color) and dark circle under his brother's eyes. He step on the pedal, driving away.

Lovino turned the radio on and filled the truck with pop song and hummed to the beat. Heracles observed Lovino's behavior at the corner of his eyes. None of them make an attempt to start a conversation and the ride filled with Lovino humming softly to the song. Heracles wait until the song to end before he took one of his hand off the steering wheel and tugged Lovino's strand of hair. Lovino snapped out of his dazed and turned his head to his brother. His older brother got his full attention.

" _Si_?"

"Did 63 visit you last night?" Heracles said without averting his eyes off the road.

Lovino shake his head lightly before muttering a negative answer. Heracles tighten his grip on the steering wheel as he heard the answer. He fear the worst case might happened, the special case name 79.

"Is it…79?" Heracles try to hide the panic in his voice, he was praying deep in his heart that Lovino answer will be negative as well.

63 and 79 are Lovino's Schizophrenia hallucinations that never fades away. Most of Lovino's Schizophrenia hallucinations fades away after Lovino got his treatment and medicine, Lovino works so hard to make sure he chase his hallucination away. After the accident that almost cost him his life, Lovino determined to put a stop in his case. Some of them are have a weird shape that Lovino was so scared to explain how they look like through his drawing and some of them just really weird having no particular real shape. For instance 23 is only a head of a bull with one eyes and broken jaw, covered by melted lava with three horns. Two of them are on the right and left side of the skull enormous and rusty, the other one is on top of 23 head which look like a unicorn's horn. Mr Gato is a cat with six eyes which look like a spider's eyes. It was charcoal black and shine in deep blue sea. Mr Gato have a split end tail and covered in thick teal fur, his ears are so big and resembles Chihuahua's ears only bigger his body is covered in constellation pattern. Mr Gato would purred like a normal cat and strange as it sounds, Lovino found its soothing.

63 and 79 is Lovino's only hallucinations that resembles human. Infact, 63 and 79 are his exact copy with a few minor difference. 63 is an albino, white snow hair, death pale skin, ill colored drained lips. 63 wear white button up shirt with matching pants. However, the only part of 63 that doesn't resemble any human is his wings, his huge obsidian black hawk like wings that attached to his back. 63 would followed Lovino almost everywhere, strangely 63 never spoke a word to him unlike his other hallucinations. He would crouching at the corner of Lovino's room and look lost in his own thought.

79, is Lovino dead ringer. A brunette, green lime eyes and olive skin. 79 has a nasty attitude, he would judge Lovino in everything he do. 79 would make a negative remark in every breath Lovino take and encouraging Lovino to respond negatively to whoever dare to approach him. 79 hysterical laugh would haunt Lovino at night, his words cut the Italian deeply and his judging eyes kill Lovino slowly. Ironically, 79 has a huge pair of pure white pigeon wings that make him closer to people imagination on angels.

79 is a harbinger of possible bloody nightmare for them.

"No…it's, mamma."

Lovino's answer shocked Heracles enough to park his truck sideways to look at younger brother. Heracles look at Lovino with blank expression as he wait for more.

"You want to talk about it?" Heracles put his hand on Lovino's shoulder.

"She was dancing and trying to make breakfast for us." Lovino smiled tenderly.

Heracles lips twitch upward thus sculptured a small smile as he heard Lovino talk about their mother. Lovino will hallucinate their dead mother when he felt insecured and anxious, it is rare occasion but it helps Lovino better than any medicine nor treatment to calm his panic attack. Doctors find it strange that their 'mother' hallucinations act so different from any other Schizophrenic cases. As if 'mamma', was a mental state self-defense that created by Lovino himself in order to get rid of anxiety and prevent any harm to his condition further.

Lovino brought his hand to cover his mouth when he yawn and Heracles saw that as a cue to drive to their destination.

"Alright, let's meet Dr. Lisa and get all of this done so you can sleep and rest."

-xxXxx-

 ** _Wang Yao's P.O.V_**

I am expecting some of Panda's resident to be home by now. Mostly because I knew how boring school is or how college's student usually received last minute text about their class cancelled by teachers and professor. I have the bad touch trio on top of my list (and my bet) as students that will play truant the most (which they feel so offended and make another bet with some of Panda's residents that they can prove to be at school no matter how it bored them to death). I was in the garden at the back lawn when I hear the front door cracked opened, I can feel my lips twitch into a grin.

What that I didn't expect is to find the Vargas stepbrother in the Panda's resident living room. He sat on a white couch with window behind it (a perfect spot to read books by the way) with a green metallic headphone on and a novel in his hand, he was humming softly to a familiar tune. He look up and saw me frozen in my spot before removing his headphone.

"The meeting with Doctor Lisa end early than expected, and Heracles got a call from his college. He drop me here and told to me to wait in his room, but its locked." He lifted up his book before resuming his words. "So, I guess I just going to read this book here." His eyes looked bored waiting for my reply.

"I have the key to his room if you want," I offered him.

"Thank you, but I think I've already found a perfect spot to read." He shook his head slightly.

I let out a small 'okay' to let him know that he is allowed to be here and continued his reading. The Italian took it as a consent and goes back to his pervious activities. I don't mind, it's not like the brunette did anything wrong anyway. As a good host, I went to kitchen and make us both some tea. When I came back to the living room with a tray of teapot and cup, I saw him straighten up. His headphone is hanging on his neck and his finger lay on the same page as I left him.

"If you can't concentrate on reading, why don't we have a small idle talk?" I asked him as I poured a cup of tea for him. He lifted his eyebrows but not amused.

"What a shitty excused for a conversation starter."

 _This kid shall die in my hand._

"That's it? Did everyone else ran away when you said that? I can't really believe that worked. " I poured myself a cup of tea and let my body fall into another couch near him.

His eyes widen slightly but he still got his façade on control.

"I've meet a lot of people, Vargas. A brat, an optimist, a party-crasher, a loner, a pretender, I've even meet the scary intimidate kid who won't leave me alone." I shuddered at the memory of a Russian teen with scary aura who can easily towered me with his height… and yet I smile at the memory of the same silver hair Russian with a lilac eyes, holding a lovely sunflower in his big hand.

"What am I?" his voice bring me back to the reality.

"I mean, you have meet a lot of people… which category I fall in?" Both of his hand surrounding the ceramic cup with his eyes never left the tea.

I observed his body language, as simple as a small gesture like his fingers rubbing the ceramic cup in a circle can tell me thousands of stories. You would be surprised to know how many deduction and information that gesture could told you.

"A runner I guess," I shrug my shoulders and watched him lifted his gaze from the cup. His eyes filled with confusion.

"Based on how you tried to push me away earlier, I guess you is a kid who isolated himself from others. It feels like, you're running away from something. I don't know what is it… as long as you know what are you running from, it wasn't my place to tell you what to do." I watched his eyes turn look away as realization hit him. He took a sip from his cup and let silence fall on us for a few minutes.

"Where did you learn to read people like that?" He stare at me, anxiously waiting for my answer. I let a small chuckled escaped me.

"If you noticed, I have a lot of siblings under one roof, Vargas," He look at me with unreadable expression. He lifted his fingers and make a circle motion in the air. "Siblings by blood Vargas, not the Panda's resident. Although it does feel like a big family with other residents." I quickly add as he was about to say something. He close his mouth and shrug his shoulder before urged me to continue.

"A lot of siblings under a roof and yet…" my voice lost its trail as loneliness filled me.

"…and yet no parents around to guide you guys?" I look up at him in astonished as he finished my words. His eyes filled with myriad emotions, and for the first time, I can't really tell what is it, not even one of them.

"Yeah… they… they're always busy," I tell him. "I had to take care of them myself, I need to know what are they thinking about, how they handle themselves in school, what kind of friends they have… they are not exactly talk about their life to me… My parents had their hands full of their business, their works…they're rarely at home."

"Which left you as the oldest child in charge. Firstborn responsibility shit and everything." He put my words in my mouth.

My gaze harden, I bit my lips as I tried to read his emotions.

To be the firstborn in the family is to be born to wear the heaviest crown. Its our job to look after our younger siblings. I'm willing to put everything aside as long as my brothers and sisters can have comfortable life as a kid, a teenagers. I'm willing take every beatings, every scar, every pain as long as my siblings can have a bright future. It is my job to take care of them.

 _I can't fall, not in front of my siblings._

 _Because if I fall, they will fall too._

 _I don't want that to happen._

"You're not supposed to be worried about that, young Vargas." He snort at my words.

"Heracles did the same you know…" he look outside the window. Sunlight hit him and his surroundings revealing the small particles of dust in the air, his eyes become dull and he look so distant.

"Of course he does, he is your big brother after all. It is eldest child job to look after our younger siblings." I exclaimed. He snapped his attention back to me, frowning and scowl on his face.

"Don't give me that bullshit," he snarled his words. "Be selfish, go out there, chase your dream!"

 _"Why did you sacrifice yourself for others?"_ I look at him for a minutes before I decided my next sentences.

"I don't know, why did you?" This time, his mask break completely. Eyes widen, mouth gape and breath hitched. Myriad emotion swirling in his eyes, and I can read every each one of them.

 _Confusion._

 _Panic._

 _Fear._

 _Vulnerable._

 _Insecurity._

He put his ceramic cup on table and stand up quickly, he was going to run away. He did not want to deal with this issues, I can tell. My final conclusion is: he is simply not ready.

"So you are a runner." The young Vargas stop on his track. He froze on his spot, as if he was debating on his action next.

I sigh before I trailed to him. I put my hand on his shoulder and turn him around to face me.

"Look, Vargas. I might not know what happened in your life before you came here and I does not know what's on your mind," I licked my lips and tighten my hold on his shoulder. "Whatever it is, you can't keep this by yourself. Talk to Heracles, that's what siblings do."

"I wasn't the only one who need to talk with my siblings." He look at me deep in my eyes. I inhale the air deeply.

 _This is not easy._

"Okay Vargas, we both need to talk to our siblings. I'm giving us three months, any longer than that I would take things by my own hands as you can take mine. Deal?" I tilted my head forward and lifted my eyebrow, offering this kid a bothersome deal without involving any money.

He shrugged his shoulder and give me a small nod. I smile at his reaction, I really can't help to feel amused, this kid is really something else.

"Now, let's see what's on Netflix while we wait for other residents to come back from school, shall we?" I asked him as I strolled back to the living room. He didn't move from his spot.

"I didn't mean to be rude but, why did you care about me?" he look down at his feet. "I am a stranger after all." I look at him from the couch.

"I don't know…why did you?" I grin at his small puff as a reply. He joined me at the couch a minute later.

This kid is blaming himself for something. I don't know what is it, I can't really tell whether he is blaming himself for his depression or not. To me, this things seems to be 'more' than that.

And his words…Its not ' ** _others_** ' its ' ** _me_** '.

' _Why did you sacrifice yourself for **me**?'_

 _Seems like he was going to say,_ ** _'why bother to fix me?'_**

 _And that, is not healthy._

-xxXxx-

A/N: the firstborns' crown is real guys. I can't really put my words in this fic, but its real. Its kind of overprotective emotions, feelings and responsibility that every eldest child could understand even without somebody else explaining anything to them. Truth to be told, I don't like how the eldest child would always carry all the burden on their shoulder by themself. I wish they would be a little bit more selfish (in a good way) when it comes to their future.

we're going to touch that issues in Heracles P.O.V later.


End file.
